It’s not About You..

Posted by on Nov 25, 2019 in Couples Counseling

It’s not About You..

When in a relationship, this phase refers to you.  How often do I hear couples complaining about their partners about mere things that should be non issues.  When you are in a relationship, whether married or dating, it’s really not about you.  Compromise is the key word here. This is not to say that one should change their entire persona to fit into a relationship, not at all, but one will have to change certain things in order for it to work.   This is the advice that I would give to any couple.   Marriage isn’t about you, it’s about you trying to please your spouse/partner and putting them first.  Doing things to please the other person and respecting them in such a way that there is no mistake that they come first.  

This will take two, meaning that for this to actually work, both parties have to be fully involved.  Relationships do not work on their own, they have to be worked on.  Selfish is not a word in a relationship. I is no longer an option, neither is me, it’s now us, we and ours.  Change the language and you can change the mindset. If you would treat your spouse like you would treat yourself, then things can be different. Would you treat yourself badly? I don’t think so. Then why would you treat your spouse or significant other badly? It doesn’t make sense, if you have made the profound declaration that you “love” this person.  Then you should love the other person, like you yourself would like someone else to love you.

Why be with someone if you don’t truly love them? And more importantly why would you treat them badly,  if you said that you wanted to be with them.  It seems obvious to me that being in a relationship is a voluntary decision.  Being with someone for any other reason may work, if it’s an agreement that’s decided upon,  ahead of time and I place a big emphasis on the phrase “any other reason”.  It’s bad enough that individuals say that they love each other, but will continue to hurt one another.  I can’t think of another reason for being with someone and the relationship actually working out.  Offcourse,  I could be very wrong.  If we think of our self and how we would like to be treated, then shouldn’t we extend that to others, especially our spouse and significant other.  Food for thought..