Daddy’s Girl….

Posted by on Oct 5, 2016 in Depression Counseling

Daddy’s Girl….

How many times have the questions been asked of me, do you think I may have daddy issues? Is daddy issues something real? My answer to the first question will lead me into dwelling into my client’s background and upbringings. To the second question I simply reply, yes daddy issues are real and quite a common phenomenon. Although, daddy issues are mainly associated with females, research indicates that it also effects males.

So what is “daddy issues” and how do you know if you have it. A simply working definition of “daddy issues” states that if an individual’s relationship with their father affects or creates obstacles in their present relationships with others, that individual mostly likely is suffering from daddy issues. Although, suffering from daddy issues is not a disorder that is listed in the DSM, it’s symptoms can often lead to some similar symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Signs that you may have “Daddy Issues”.
If your father was absent in your life emotionally or physically, or if you were physically, sexually or emotionally abused by your father, you certainly may have symptoms of “daddy issues”. Consider the following questions.

Do you tend to be the jealous, clingy, overprotective type?
Do you often find yourself worrying that your partner will leave you? Are you constantly checking his cell phone, or accusing him of cheating? This may be attributed to attachment issues as per research, that may result from the lack of relationship with one’s father. You may feel that you don’t just match up to others. This type of behavior can lead to co-dependancy or other toxic relationships, which can alternately lead to your biggest fear of abandonment.

While growing up there was not a father figure around that gave you special attention that only a father can give. Now as an adult you may not be sure what that should look or even feel like. By being overly clingy, you may tend to think that this may be the only way to be in a normal relationship. Therefore, your fear of “abandonment”, doesn’t allow you to give your partner much space.

Do you tend to need constant affection and reassurance?
Do you compare yourself to your partners ex’s, and other women in his life? What about the women on your job, or just random women? Do you feel that you don’t match up? Individuals with daddy issues will constantly need reassurance of love and affection from their partners. However, that type of needy behavior may just push him away. Have you ever seen the movies with little girls sitting on their father’s lap, playing or being read too? Most women did not grow up in this manner, however, those with daddy issues tend to have low self-esteem issues. Their fathers did not reassure them while growing up. They may tend to grow up “winging” it. This does not mean that all women with daddy issues cannot be successful, but they often may feel insecure, especially when it comes to relationships.

Are you attracted to older men?
Older men may represent an authoritative and protective figures that you may long for. Individuals who have daddy issues unconsciously crave attention, adoration and affection from their partners. An older man may seem to be an ideal representation of just that. An older man may also be nurturing in his mannerisms, towards a woman who has daddy issues. Research suggests that younger women who seek out relationships with older men are often seeking the lack of some element that they didn’t get from their fathers. This is not to say that every woman who is attracted to older men have daddy issues either.

Does being alone scare you?
Would you rather be in an unhealthy, train wreak of a relationship than being single? Are you finding that you are putting up with bad behavior in your relationships, but would rather play along with it rather than leave? If you are suffering from daddy issues, this may mean that your fear of being alone prevents you from developing healthy relationships, your own identity and a healthy self-esteem. You may not know what it takes to develop a healthy self-esteem, or have your own identity. If you grew up in a home where your father was abusive or absent in your life, you may not have developed some of the basic sense of self.

Do you give off the vibe that you only need sex?
Do you feel loved only while having sex? Do you crave sex at times. Do you feel good about yourself when a man wants you sexually? Do you confuse sex with love? If you are suffering from daddy issues, you may unconsciously confuse sex with being in love, adored, and wanted. The dangers of these types of behaviors are that you may be missing out on what true intimacy really is. This can also damage your self esteem as you may constantly feel rejected once the act is over and you then realize that the other person did not feel the same way that you did. You may get caught up in this whirlwind due to your desires to be loved and validated, that you may not realize the devastation on your behavior. This can lead to continued feelings of rejection from the opposite sex, which contributes to a low self-esteem.

In conclusion
Part of a father’s role is to help shape his children lives. For boys it’s to show them how to be men and also how to treat women, and among other things off course. For girls, a father usually represents what a future partner should look like. Father’s teach their daughters although often subtle and indirectly, how a man is suppose to treat them. Plus, they are usually the first male role model of what love and relationship should look and feel like. Fathers play a huge role in shaping their children lives.

On the other hand there are many women who grew up with their fathers at home, but they may not have had a good relationship with him either. Dad may have been physically or emotionally withdrawn in her life, leading her to figure out certain things on her own. If you think that you may have daddy issues, please know that you are not alone. You do not have to continue to live your life in this manner. Talk to a professional, get the help you need and begin living your life, in a healthy manner.