Single……… after Divorce or Separation

Posted by on Feb 22, 2016 in Singles Therapy

Single……… after Divorce or Separation

Statistics suggest that 40 to 50 percentage of all marriages will end in divorce in the United States. These figures are quite high and can lead one to imply that the number of singles living in the US is also growing as well. Divorce is a life change as is getting married, this change can bring about many emotional factors. Research suggests that some of the most common symptoms endured from the stress of divorce may include depression, sadness, sleep disorder, low self esteem, and feelings of worthlessness. Many worry about what the transition is like from being married to single.

The stress of divorce

Some of the most common emotional symptoms that I hear from newly divorced or separated individuals are feelings of depression. Most newly singles are not usually sure what to expect once the divorce is finalized. The world may have changed dramatically for them, especially if they have been married for a while. Feelings of sadness and loneliness are especially common for women after divorce. Studies indicate that women more than men are often more worried about dating and life after a divorce. Feelings of inadequacy are also common among women, especially if their ex is now dating someone that is younger and prettier than they are. Low self esteem may also be a contributing factor to this. Many tend to worry about finding a mate to continue on life’s journey.

The transition from divorced or separated to becoming single again is not an easy process. This life transition will strongly depend on the individual, the reasons for the divorce or separation, the easiness of the process and other major factors that play out in divorce cases, will all be contributing factors in the transition. There will always be more hurt and pain being endorsed for at least one of the parties after divorce. Then there may be a period of time where one may endorse feelings of doubt, as to whether or not they have made the right choice. This tends to happen even if the person endorsing the doubt pretty much knows that they are making the right decision. Past memories of better times may be a contributing factor to this, as well as feelings of guilt. Yet others may have lost their identity of self during the marriage and now will have a difficult time recapturing who they are. This can be scary for most, as it may hinder a smooth transition back into society.

What you can do

Taking care of yourself after a divorce is essential. Feelings of guilt of a failed marriage and other stress factors can be a strong deterrent of how quickly one will recover. Divorce may be the end of one situation in your life, but it is also the beginning of a new phase in your life. Divorce will turn you into a different type of person. It could very well turn one onto a bitter, non forgiving, over emotional type of person. But divorce can also turn one into a stronger, independent, more resilient and wiser individual. Things in your life will be different from this point on. Most individuals understand that there is a long road after divorce, although most will want a quick fix, this a process like everything else and will take time. Seeking counseling after divorce may be quite necessary for some, especially if the stress levels are very high.

Owning and accepting your emotions during this time is also very important. Mourning after a divorce is quite common as suggested by research. One shouldn’t shield one’s self from this process. If you feel like having a cry after your divorce then give yourself permission to do so, whether or not you were the one to initiate the divorce shouldn’t matter. Your emotions are important and sometimes a good cry can help one, feel a sense of relief even if it’s just for a short period of time. Having a good friend, or family member as a source of support can be quite helpful, especially as you ease your way back to equilibrium. Joining an online support group may also be helpful, as it can help you hear how other individuals are coping with their divorce.

In conclusion

Divorce or separation is never easy, even if you are the person that initiated it. There are years of memories of both the good and the bad times, that was shared. Family life, vacations and first time memories may have been formed during this union. Hopes and life long dreams may have been shattered. Facing your emotions are key to getting back to a sense of normalcy again. Divorce is not the end all, it can be looked at as a good beginning based on your perception. Don’t expect to get over it right away, as it will take time to get readjusted into your now new way of life. However, if you feel that it is overbearing and harder for you to get through, please remember that you do not have to go through this alone. There is help out there for you. You don’t have to go through this life change by yourself.